- When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It make's the neighbor's
dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
- Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
- A penny saved is a government oversight.
- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by
then your body and your fat are really good friends.
- He who hesitates is probably right.
- If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind
to blame.
- The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when
he's really in trouble.
- The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth!
- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way,
if he gets mad, he'll be a mile away and barefoot.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going
to a garage makes you a mechanic.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
No trees were destroyed in the making of this message. However, a large
number of electrons were significantly inconvenienced. |
Prometheus:
Jokes:
